One thing I think we can all agree on is that the being “real” claim is thrown around a LOT. It seems to me like it’s a battle to see who’s definition appeals to the most thottie pies. The implication here then, is that there are groups of people who have very different definitions of the concept. Here are the fun groups of real people that I’ve come to know and love:

Rich people that wear boat shoes but don’t necessarily own a boat:


These people look down on anyone at all that uses real as an descriptor. Their take is that everyone is inherently real and that one person cannot be more genuine than the next. This is mostly due to their inexperience with people and groups outside of their weekly Tea Parties. Since most or all of their life has been spent in bourgie white collar America, they are only accustomed to the “means to an end” approach to society.

Poor people with too many kids at their age and no education:


These people call themselves real as a way to validate their struggle. It’s not to say that their adversity is not legit, I’m saying that it’s more so a way to elevate their problems beyond those that they went to high school with. It’s the pettiest of games, really. A lot of the time I see peers, who made some… questionable choices early in life (such as having aimless amounts of unprotected sex and dropping out of school) describing themselves as real. This is a sad and toxic way to think.

Rappers with millions of dollars but not enough to give back to the community in which they grew up:


This is my favorite. Emcees, who are supposed to be the storytellers of their culture, finding the need to repeatedly remind their listeners that they’re not lying. The main reason for this, which almost makes it excusable, is that most rappers lie out of their gaping buttholes in order make it to the industry level. Most of the time they’re amping up how much money they actually have – because having money in a poor community makes one a contender. At the same time, Eminem, largely considered by many to be the best rapper alive or dead, is the biggest exaggerator in hip hop history, and hardly ever speaks money at all. He doesn’t give back either, though. So in rap, being real is generally about speaking a convincing or exciting truth more than anything else.

Artsy fartsy people that hang out with minorities for the cultural experience:


In the world of modern art, or should I say complete randomness, an honest piece of work is seen as profound – so profound in fact, that artists will literally jizz themselves on site. Generally speaking, one could say art is respected more if the creator has taken his or her seemingly divergent background and produced something worldly. Real in this sense means that someone of a different air has validaded their work, and for that, this is probably the most ironic of all the interpretations of realness.

Super thought-provoking conclusion:

I’d mention the religious take but personally, I’ve never heard of any church going people comparing their situations to each other – competing to see who’s more real. I also don’t believe that a person without moral fiber can claim any sort of code for their actions outside situational factors. In conclusion, nothing is real except for my fist passing through your stupid fucking face.


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